4 Steps to Loving the People at Church Who Drive You Crazy
Loving others is a way we can imitate God.
I have a friend who
works as a house painter. He is the kind of guy who is not afraid of
confrontation, especially when he thinks that shocking someone might be
the best way to bring a reality check. One day on the job site he met
another guy who claimed to be a follower of Jesus.
My friend: “Really? Where do you go to church?”
New Guy: “Everywhere. I want to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying, so I go to lots of different churches—I don’t want to be tied down.”
My friend: “You know, you ought to go to one church and stay there long enough until you get offended by the people in the church. I think that’s what God wants for you.”
New Guy: “You think God wants me to be offended?”
My friend: “Oh yeah, there’s no question about that, but I think He really wants you to be offended by people that you go to church with regularly.”
My friend was trying to illustrate an important point: We can’t really claim to be the kind of person who loves God unless we learn to love others. We hear it all the time: God loves everybody. Well, that may be fine for God, but for most of us love is a good idea in the abstract and nearly impossible in the everyday world.
We don’t have very many people we could claim as close friends, much less as people we love. The pace of our life does not provide many places where we can really get close to others. There are even fewer settings where we can learn how to love others.
Learn how to love? Isn’t love supposed to just happen? In romance, in friendships, in finding a community that feels “safe,” most people expect that love will be organic, natural and self-generating. We would like to think that if we walked into Central Perk as a complete stranger, we could walk out with a whole new set of friends. But Central Perk closed down when Friends did, and we’re not in Manhattan anymore. Love is a great ideal, until we have to work it out with other people, then we begin to wonder if love is worth all the grief. It’s time-consuming, expensive and, worst of all, it’s not all-about-me.
But love is a way we can imitate God:
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1
The Apostle Paul called for followers of Jesus to live a “life of love,” which sounds great until you actually try to do it. Jesus lived a life of love, and it got him killed. Wanna try to be like Jesus?
The word “therefore” indicates that Paul was reaching a conclusion, not starting something new, and the stuff before Ephesians 5:1 provides a not-so-easy road map to living a life of love that imitates Jesus Christ.
Not-So-Easy Step One: Give up your life as an individual (Eph 4:17-19).
These verses describe a life lived for the self. If ever there was a futile way of life, it is a life lived for ourselves alone. Living for ourselves hardens our hearts, and brings us into darkness. If our goal is a new kind of community, then living for ourselves really is futile. Many people long for community but live for themselves. When we are separated from God, the only things we become sensitive to are our own desires.
My friend: “Really? Where do you go to church?”
New Guy: “Everywhere. I want to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying, so I go to lots of different churches—I don’t want to be tied down.”
My friend: “You know, you ought to go to one church and stay there long enough until you get offended by the people in the church. I think that’s what God wants for you.”
New Guy: “You think God wants me to be offended?”
My friend: “Oh yeah, there’s no question about that, but I think He really wants you to be offended by people that you go to church with regularly.”
My friend was trying to illustrate an important point: We can’t really claim to be the kind of person who loves God unless we learn to love others. We hear it all the time: God loves everybody. Well, that may be fine for God, but for most of us love is a good idea in the abstract and nearly impossible in the everyday world.
We don’t have very many people we could claim as close friends, much less as people we love. The pace of our life does not provide many places where we can really get close to others. There are even fewer settings where we can learn how to love others.
Learn how to love? Isn’t love supposed to just happen? In romance, in friendships, in finding a community that feels “safe,” most people expect that love will be organic, natural and self-generating. We would like to think that if we walked into Central Perk as a complete stranger, we could walk out with a whole new set of friends. But Central Perk closed down when Friends did, and we’re not in Manhattan anymore. Love is a great ideal, until we have to work it out with other people, then we begin to wonder if love is worth all the grief. It’s time-consuming, expensive and, worst of all, it’s not all-about-me.
But love is a way we can imitate God:
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1
The Apostle Paul called for followers of Jesus to live a “life of love,” which sounds great until you actually try to do it. Jesus lived a life of love, and it got him killed. Wanna try to be like Jesus?
The word “therefore” indicates that Paul was reaching a conclusion, not starting something new, and the stuff before Ephesians 5:1 provides a not-so-easy road map to living a life of love that imitates Jesus Christ.
Not-So-Easy Step One: Give up your life as an individual (Eph 4:17-19).
These verses describe a life lived for the self. If ever there was a futile way of life, it is a life lived for ourselves alone. Living for ourselves hardens our hearts, and brings us into darkness. If our goal is a new kind of community, then living for ourselves really is futile. Many people long for community but live for themselves. When we are separated from God, the only things we become sensitive to are our own desires.
Not-So-Easy Step Two: Put on a new, godly self (Eph 4:20-22).
The gospel Paul presented in Ephesus was about more than personal forgiveness. He taught the sacrificial Jesus, who declared a new commandment: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Paul presented Jesus as the one who did not follow his own desire but demonstrated love. When we consider others, we are acting like our heavenly father. This choice is intentional: We have a part to play. We can choose to put off our individualistic ways and put on ways of thinking and acting that include others.
Not-So-Easy Step Three: Express your “new self” in terms of your ability to relate to others.
We put off falsehood and speak truth because we are members of one body.
He doesn’t say “don’t get angry,” but rather we should work through our anger together. It’s hard work! Stealing (presuming upon the generosity of others) needs to be replaced not by working with the goal of “getting mine,” but having something to share with others.
Not-So-Easy Step Four: Create a welcome community for the Holy Spirit.
Godly community is marked by wholesome communication, and communication doesn’t become wholesome magically: It happens only if we choose so. Our concern should be for building up others and benefiting others. In fact, this is the proper context for the phrase “grieve the Holy Spirit,” it’s about treating God’s people as people who deserve our best intentions. When God’s kids play nice together, the Holy Spirit shows up.
That’s why my friend suggested an environment full of opportunities to be offended. How else can we learn to forgive? It’s called “the church,” and it’s filled with people that will drive you crazy. If we hang out in one place long enough, we are sure to be offended.
The gospel Paul presented in Ephesus was about more than personal forgiveness. He taught the sacrificial Jesus, who declared a new commandment: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Paul presented Jesus as the one who did not follow his own desire but demonstrated love. When we consider others, we are acting like our heavenly father. This choice is intentional: We have a part to play. We can choose to put off our individualistic ways and put on ways of thinking and acting that include others.
Not-So-Easy Step Three: Express your “new self” in terms of your ability to relate to others.
We put off falsehood and speak truth because we are members of one body.
He doesn’t say “don’t get angry,” but rather we should work through our anger together. It’s hard work! Stealing (presuming upon the generosity of others) needs to be replaced not by working with the goal of “getting mine,” but having something to share with others.
Not-So-Easy Step Four: Create a welcome community for the Holy Spirit.
Godly community is marked by wholesome communication, and communication doesn’t become wholesome magically: It happens only if we choose so. Our concern should be for building up others and benefiting others. In fact, this is the proper context for the phrase “grieve the Holy Spirit,” it’s about treating God’s people as people who deserve our best intentions. When God’s kids play nice together, the Holy Spirit shows up.
That’s why my friend suggested an environment full of opportunities to be offended. How else can we learn to forgive? It’s called “the church,” and it’s filled with people that will drive you crazy. If we hang out in one place long enough, we are sure to be offended.
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